The Times in Which We Live

I went to Florida last week. I didn't really even think twice about it. We had all been sick with the flu and allergies in the weeks before the trip, but we had mostly recovered, save a little lingering bronchitis. But I had good cough medicine that helped me sleep, and I had a week off. So we loaded up a rental car, a 2020 Ford Explorer, and we hit the road. (I miss that car, by the way. I loved everything about it but the price tag.)

When we arrived in Pensacola, we stopped for lunch, and I checked my phone. Two COVID-19 deaths in Florida, one of which was in Pensacola. We were all still calling it coronavirus at that point. A week or so has changed everything. That tiny pang of worry in my heart has settled in and become something that I have to fight daily, sometimes moment by moment.

I have been a serious media consumer this past week. I have googled "COVID in Texas" an embarrassing number of times. I don't pretend that this isn't connected to the worry I feel. I know which counties have confirmed cases and which ones don't. I know which counties have people who have gotten it from person-to-person contact, as opposed to those who traveled or had contact with a traveler. And I tell myself that information is helpful. That knowing and being prepared is better than not knowing. And to an extent it has helped me. I have stayed home when I wanted to go out. I read about "flattening the curve", and it all makes sense. We are practicing our social distancing. But I have to tell you- it's scary.

I have experienced some hard losses in my life. But generally these losses were isolated to me and people close to me. The rest of the world kept moving. So it was easy to remember that the world wasn't falling apart for everyone. Just for me. But when there are large scale losses and changes, things like 9/11 and the current pandemic, it's everywhere. Everyone feels the shift, and we the uncertainty feels tangible. I think we are all left wondering what the next days and weeks will bring.

I have never seen empty grocery store shelves like this. People are buying things they don't need. (I'm looking at you, Mr. 17,000 Bottles of Hand Sanitizer.) Gas tanks and refrigerators are full.We are prepared for weeks at home, for separation from our everyday lives. I am preparing online work for my regular students, in case the weeks turn into months. I am teaching my Chinese students who know this crisis better than we do. I am homeschooling my kids, which is our normal. I am not leaving my house, which is not our normal.

But I am a Christian. A follower of Jesus. And I have lived 37 years of my life experiencing how God cares and provides for me. I have a lifetime of seeing God's protection and guidance. Being a Christian doesn't prevent me from going through hard things, but I don't walk through them alone. YOU don't walk through them alone. One of my favorite old hymns is a song called "Hold to God's Unchanging Hand". I used to sing it to my dad when he was in his coma. I have no real idea if he could hear it, if it comforted him. But it comforted me. It still does.

Time is filled with swift transition
Naught of earth unmoved can stand
Build your hopes on things eternal
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

Hold to God's unchanging hand
Hold to God's unchanging hand
Build your hopes on things eternal
Hold to God's unchanging hand

I'm not sharing this because I have all of this figured out. I don't. I probably Google too much and should probably listen to more sermons than I do. I have moments where I feel panic. But I do know where to go for help and comfort. In the changing times, I know where my hope lies.