My lease is up in four days. Four. And you know where I am moving? Yeah, neither do I. So until we know, we will be paying a ridiculously inflated price for the privilege of living somewhere without a lease. As in, I-should-be-living-in-a-luxury-townhome price. The timing is impeccable, really (please hear my sarcasm here). My husband quit one of his part-time jobs a month ago, a faith-move that we both happily agreed on. But honestly, we had expectations. Expectations of God rushing right in and providing something else. And here we are over a month later (which feels longer when you are right in the middle of it) and He hasn't. He has provided financially, in crazy ways really. Unexpected ways. Ways we could have never planned or plotted on our own. But we are definitely missing the element of consistency, of knowing that a certain amount is coming on on a certain day. And while some people like the thrill of uncertainty, I can tell you that I don't. I prefer knowing how to plan.
There is opportunity on the horizon for us. Opportunity to minister together. For those who do not know, Jake and I are on staff at separate churches. Sundays are not days of worship as much as they are days of work. We get up, get ready, and we wave goodbye as we head out the door to our different churches. And while we have learned to live with the current situation, we have always known that it wouldn't work forever. And we were right. It has gotten old. So we are praying and looking for what God has next. We both love our current churches and the people we minister with, but we know we need something new. Something together. And so we wait. We wait for God to move us or to give us a clear indication that we need to stay right where we are. We wait for direction. And in the midst, I struggle to find peace.
Surely you know this place. It should be familiar to us both. The place where you can remember just a few months before you were comfortable and content. And then God makes it less comfortable. He sends gentle nudges to move you out of the place of comfort. The change is hard, but the uncertainty about what comes next is harder. I have been here before, and I am here again. And it's a little scary and a little intimidating.
One of the interesting parts about being a children's minister and teaching the truth of God's Word to children each week is that I often get more out of the lessons I teach than the kids do. I can't tell you how many times I have been in the middle of a lesson, and the Holy Spirit sends the message Do you hear what you're saying? This is for you. And one of my commonly repeated phrases in kids' church is I can trust God no matter what. No matter what. And it's a good reminder. It's a simple concept, but it changes everything when I live like I believe it. I don't have to worry. I don't have to freak out (though I sometimes do). I don't have to sit and look at my watch and think about how long God is taking to work things out for me. And I don't have to develop a plan B in case my current plan A doesn't work. I can trust God no matter what.
Today is Monday, and I hope to end this day with direction. I am expecting it, even. But if it doesn't come, I will be fine. I still won't know what comes next, I am coming back to this simple truth. I can trust God no matter what. And I will.
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